


Nothing brighter than our Future

by ButterflyPrincess



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: 2016 is kind of in there too, Angst, EU Regional Qualifier 2017, M/M, UOL feels tbh, Unicorns of Love, it's not even all that shippy tbh, just embrace it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-03 21:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12154713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyPrincess/pseuds/ButterflyPrincess
Summary: This is not a perfect world. It's just... this world. This world in which they got second place in Spring and failed in Quarters in Summer. This world in which they can't qualify for Worlds anymore, where they haven't been able to take any of their chances.





	Nothing brighter than our Future

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I have a lot of UOL feels, I'm hella straight for Exileh so basically he has all the UOL feels and it's a mess but one I'm more or less happy with and that I hope you can all enjoy as well <3

It's the relentless optimism of this bunch of crazy people that finally makes him feel like he belongs. It's the vibrant pink of everything surrounding them, it's the never-ending cheers almost unfairly loud in comparison to all the others, it's his team mates and the staff and their seemingly limitless commitment that finally makes him feel like someone believes in him.

 

He cherishes them, every single one and he makes a promise to himself that he will take every chance they give him and make the best of it and never take it for granted because, and he's almost painfully aware of that, which other team would not just kick a guy without any notable achievements or any particular value to the team when he spends the first weeks of his time on stage feeding on random assassins that aren't even remotely meta at the time?

 

Fnatic, G2, all the big teams would have probably long gotten rid of him, replaced him with the next promising Challenger talent, probably just at the notion that hey, he is pretty good at Yasuo actually and maybe there could be an opportunity to make use of that at some point.

 

But no matter how hard he fails on stage, no matter on how many losing sprees he goes in SoloQ after a bad scrim block, there's never even a hint in the direction. Instead, it's always Sheepy smiling at him reassuringly, saying that everything is going to be alright and it's Romain making a stupid face and giving off some pseudo-wisdom and it's his team mates never letting him forget for one second that they have his back and that they are willing to help him do well.

 

It's this sheer bulwark of optimism that makes defeat feel less crushing and victory taste even sweeter. He does better in the last few weeks of Summer and even though Romain and Jos stay humble about it, saying that with this year going down as it has, it's an accomplishment for them to even make playoffs, there's a silly little something in the back of his head that suddenly dreams of Worlds. That's just how invincible they have made him feel during his time on the team.

 

It's sobering and so, so bitter when they fail in playoffs immediately. When suddenly it seems like they're back to just not quite working as a team and all the power that Fabian has felt during those past weeks is gone all at once.

 

Maybe he's just been flying too high, getting a bit too drunk on the thought that maybe he's actually doing something useful for once in his life.

 

But this time he can accept it because yes, maybe he does need some grounding. Maybe he has been celebrating a bit prematurely, maybe it's good to realize that they haven't magically turned into the team they were supposed to be. Maybe they all just needed to be stopped from losing their heads, maybe it's good for them to lose there and go through the Gauntlet.

 

All they can do now is use their time and prepare and grow together and try to make it all work again. Work the magic they've only seen sparks of so far.

 

And maybe it's Romain giving one of his many motivational speeches – Fabian thinks that maybe he has a whole book full of them hidden somewhere which he has read so often he can just recite one whenever he needs it – or maybe it's Minsu and Kiss smiling at him, reassuring him that they got his back no matter what. But something, in combination with them rolling over an in many ways weakened Fnatic, makes him believe in that silly little dream that he can go from being almost painfully unknown right onto that big Worlds stage that so many have dreamed of before him.

 

Yet, Worlds is a dream he can't make true in right then and there. It's Splyce who take it away from them and, granted, maybe they do deserve it more, they got second place after all and that following one of the worst splits ever. Maybe they have worked harder for it, even though he can't really know that.

 

It hurts more than it should. The split has been terrible, heck, the entire _season_ has been terrible. It would've been a miracle if they had made it to Worlds after such a season. After a million jungle swaps, after the issue he has been in the beginning before he kind of found his form. It reminds him of his school time in the most annoying way because it's like when he would have a test he wasn't really prepared for and really, just passing would've been enough but then he would score highly but not quite perfect and this “not quite” would feel worse than any “barely passed” could have ever had.

 

 

~*~*~*~

 

 

It's one year later and the same relentless, omnipresent optimism that has kept him alive during those early times now just makes him feel sick. He wants them to stop. He wants Sheepy to stop telling them how they can make everything work again, he wants Romain to stop standing in front of this stupid mirror and wondering what he's going to wear on stage.

 

He doesn't know what he wants them to do, all he knows is that he needs them to  _stop._ They can't be this positive about the Qualifier when things are looking like that. Not when they're up against an H2K that has never wanted victory this much, that has never needed it this much. This H2K that completely deconstructed Splyce the day before. They should be worried, at least somewhat. 

 

It's a catastrophe on paper already. Febiven outclasses him, simple as that. Kiss can probably take on Odoamne on a good day but the meta doesn't really help him to be their saving grace. Jankos has recently been playing much better than Andrei and both botlanes have their own issues to deal with. The only thing everyone is clinging to are those past victories that everyone else seems to remember to be much clearer, much less taxing than Fabian remembers them to be. 

 

Why aren't they nervous? Why is no one except him stressing out? Romain kind of is but he always is and he doesn't have to play like this. He can sit backstage and watch and suffer from there but he doesn't have to take the same kind of responsibility. He isn't the one that's on the very bottom of the leader board while being on a top team. He doesn't have to deal with the pressure of utterly letting his team down pretty much all the time.

 

They're waiting backstage and Romain is saying something that he can't bear listening to right now. He holds onto the little handwarmer in his left hand as if it's going to do anything even though the sweat on his palms only seems to get colder and colder. 

 

He can't let them down. Not again. Not now. He can't be the reason they're not making Worlds because if this thing now goes wrong he most definitely is. Because between the regular split, Rift Rivals and playoffs he's been the biggest problem, and right now he's so aware of that he can't even manage to look anyone in the eyes. It's all his fault. Everything. 

 

There are few things that have made him feel as guilty as being dismantled by Tristan in playoffs because yes, he was his replacement, at least after Fox but that split seems to be something everyone has agreed to never talk about ever again, and he can't even match up to him in lane. 

 

“Fabian. Stop that.” Samuel looks at him intensely and grabs wrist, slowly but fiercely pulling it away from his head. 

 

“What?” 

 

“You're playing with your hair. You are nervous and that's making me nervous as.” 

 

Fabian looks down and quickly fixes his hair. He hates when people point out this habit of his. It's something he used to do at school all the time and never really got rid of. It's silly and dumb and his mother always complains about it because it doesn't actually help and it only makes his hair greasy. “Mom, I'm playing a video game for a living, no one cares if my hair is bloody greasy” isn't really the thing she likes hearing in such moments. 

 

“Shouldn't we be nervous?”, he asks and Samuel just shrugs and cracks a smile. 

 

“We practised enough, we got their numbers before. It's going to be alright, I'm only nervous if you are.”

 

Fabian nods. He's right. At least he hopes so.

 

“Let's go then”, he breathes as he gets up his from chair. He forces a smile on his face even if it's the last thing he feels like and throws his arm around Samuel's shoulders. “You and me. We're going to carry this.” 

 

He probably needed to say this more than Samuel needed to hear it. 

 

 

~*~*~*~

 

 

“Why are we doing a fanmeet?” It's the first thing Fabian says about ten minutes after seeing this defeat screen, after seeing the last Nexus he's going to see on this stage for the rest of the year blow up, after hearing the chants of the fanclub fall awfully silent.

 

His voice has a certain bitterness to it. It's a mixture of sadness and poison, a bit of disappointment and a dash of anger. 

 

“Because those fans have put their heart into cheering for us today, even when it looked grim and even when we failed and they deserve to be shown how grateful we are for that. I know everything sucks right now and you are disappointed but I want you to go out there and do your best for them. It's the last time for this year after all”, Romain answers. It's way too dramatic probably and Fabian isn't in the mood. Not at all. 

 

Worlds 2017 is the same dream he cannot make true all over again. It feels so awfully similar to last year but at the same time so much worse. Because where last year was redemption not quite coming to the most satisfying close possible, this year is an embarrassing fall from grace. Where last year was full of “could have” and “would have been nice” and “not quite enough”, this year is one big “should have”. 

 

They should have gotten that first place in their group, they should have won that game against Vitality in the last week. They should have won against Misfits, at the very least they should  _not_ have lost 3-0. They should have made Worlds this year. It was the best shot they have ever had. But they didn't. They had their chances and messed up every single one of them. 

 

He doesn't feel like hugging fans and taking pictures he has to fake smiles for. He doesn't feel like signing things as if they're winners. He feels like punching a wall enough times to break his hand. He feels like lashing out at everyone in his way.

 

It's not fair and at the same time it's probably very fair, in the most painful kind of way. He's been carried through games he didn't deserve to winning all split long. His team has picked up the slack for months, has had to fix every single one of his mistakes and they have never once complained. But now, when he didn't mess up everything he did, when he actually did well, when he was actually ready and set to carry – he was the one being let down. 

 

He won his lanes, he did his best but it only worked out twice in the end. Because maybe they just aren't capable of all working at the same time. Maybe at least one always has to fall flat. And if it's not him dying ten times early it's Kiss taking over the job or it's Samuel not quite finding his way into the fights or this Zdravets missing his CC or getting caught or Andrei just lacking the experience to do what needs to be done in difficult situations. 

 

It would be a blatant lie if he said he wasn't angry at them in some way. He can't really be, though, because it isn't actually unfair. It's probably the only fair thing that's ever happened to him in months. Being carried out of every shit show wasn't fair. Being praised for being good at champions simply no one is really all that used to wasn't fair. Him being allowed to stay on this team in the first place wasn't fair.

 

But he's angry anyway because he expected at least some form of benefit from finally getting his shit together even if it doesn't excuse the previous weeks, even if it doesn't excuse all the losses he's been responsible for. It's irrelevant what happened before, at least it should be, it would be in a perfect world. Because in a perfect world they would have won here, in a perfect world this tournament would have been his chance to prove his worth, his chance to show the world that he doesn't suck, that he can actually carry his team. 

 

But this is not a perfect world. It's just... this world. This world in which they got second place in Spring and failed in Quarters in Summer. This world in which they can't qualify for Worlds anymore, they haven't been able to take any of their chances. It's this world in which League of Legends feels so hard to play, feels so hard to still pursue sometimes that it makes him feel tired to just think about it at times.

 

They go to this little fanmeet and it's the last thing he feels like doing. Every smile is so fake, every “thank you” he answers when someone tells him how proud of the team they are no matter what and how well he has played feels forced. He hugs the fanclub members at least and he doesn't know if he needs it more or them but it's probably even in a weird way. 

 

He sees a girl cry next to the line. She isn't approaching them, she isn't really talking to anyone either. She just stands there crying in her pink jersey with some people rubbing her back and he feels like he should do something but the time is up and he's not quite committed enough to anything anyway. He only wishes he could just cry as well because the anger is fading way too fast and the disappointment is settling in, dragging a numbness behind it that makes him feel empty and powerless. 

 

It's awkwardly silent in their car back to the gaming house. It's drastically different from last year when everyone reassured each other that it was fine to lose and that they probably wouldn't have been ready for Worlds anyway. There had been bubbly, enthusiastic little talks of “next year” and “the next time” but now it is this “next year” and this has been “the next time” and nothing has come of it. No one seems to have the energy for “maybe next time” anymore. 

 

Sheepy sighs when they enter the house and he turns the light on. “Just... go to bed guys. We don't have to talk about this. Not today.” He sounds tired and looks worn out and Fabian understands exactly how it must feel for him. Probably similar to himself times three or four or five because Sheepy has been on this ride for years now. He's witnessing the same thing for the third time by now. 

 

“I'm sorry”, Fabian whispers and slowly goes to unpack his stuff. 

 

Samuel stands next to him, someone with a smile on his face that even looks halfway genuine. “You did your best today.”

 

Fabian laughs bitterly. “That's the? I don't know? Twentieth time I'm hearing this today? Doesn't matter anyway.”

 

“It's true, though. You were... great today. Was good to see, you know.” It's awkward, it really is because Samuel doesn't usually do that. Complimenting other people in any depth. He never says anything beyond “good job” and when he does it's usually something like “Wow, you saved my ass right there” and that's not typically something that goes Fabian's way. 

 

“Thanks, I guess”, Fabian says. There's a part of him that really wants to say more, that kind of wants to just return the appreciation in some way. But he can't, he's too tired and exhausted. 

 

Samuel doesn't hold it against him. Instead, he reaches for his hand and squeezes it tightly, whispering the words that no one has dared to say so far, “Next year.” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> BTW we really need more UOL content like wtf, appreciate my team pls thx  
> I mean they are basically soft pink boys okay, how can you not love that  
> But hey, maybe I'm just weird and love this team too much for my own good, who knows
> 
> Also, guess what I'm the crying girl in this one because oh well, that's what actually went down at the Gauntlet irl so yeah, I'm doing cameos now I guess. I digress.
> 
> Have my Tumblr: https://butterflyprincessao3.tumblr.com/
> 
> Peace guys, hope you're all having a nice day!


End file.
